It’s Time To Turn Another Dreaded “Sorry, You’re Not It” Email Into Fuel

Throughout my life, I have worked towards various goals and made plans along the way by accepting different jobs, going off to college, and making decisions to go outside of my comfort zone, but there’s a story that I, along with many others, don’t share so openly. There’s a story of triumph, tears, let downs, and ultimately rejection; there’s a story of no’s and not yet’s.

At 23, I feel like my story of no’s has been more extensive than I’ve ever led on because I have this mentality of continuous improvement so I shoot my shot for my dream ideals, which comes with a lot of big fat “sorry, you’re not it” letters.

Since coming home from Peace Corps, I realized for the first time in my life, I wasn’t in the rat race of society anymore. I was coming home, jobless and to live with my parents (first time since I was 17). I was coming home, broken hearted and decided to spend the next two months dedicated to healing and growing through therapy.

Now, I write this, saying I am thriving because my mind and spirit are allowing me to be, to trust in myself and my abilities, and to know that this is all part of the plan, but then, as my mind became healthier and more supportive. . .

this happened . . .

I had spent an entire month, waiting to hear back from a certain job that I had deemed “perfect” for me. I got an interview, spent time with the organization, and really showed who I was to the team, and thought that I was a no-brainer hire.

So, I waited.

And I waited.

I prayed, and I hoped.

Still, somewhere along the way, I found myself telling people about it as if my worth was equated with a title, with a job, with what I could produce or achieve.

So I waited a little more.

Then, I got the email and my heart dropped when I got into the car, realizing I had put all my eggs in this basket.

It read: “Thank you Ashley for taking the time to meet all of us and interview, but we have decided to go with someone else.”

My heart sunk, and tears overwhelmed me. So I cried so hard for two minutes– I couldn’t find my voice, and my heart raced through my chest; I let my world crash down around me and my mind dragged me through the mud for a few minutes as I dried my tears.

Now for the first time ever, I had no plans and I wasn’t waiting on anything, and that hit me in that moment. I felt like a failure.

As I sat in my car, a little numb and sad, I started to marry logic and emotion (thanks David for that reminder).

There was a reason why this job wasn’t the right fit for me and there was a reason why this no had to come; I am being groomed for something better.

I flipped down my driver’s mirror and looked at myself, makeup smeared and eyes puffy, and said to myself:

“You are a strong, capable leader.”

“You are destined to love, to be loved, to be depth.”

“Your light doesn’t diminish because someone’s inability to see it.”

That last affirmation stuck with me, and reminded me that this is all part of the plan. I look back at life and see that there were things I wanted so desperately, but now know that greater has come and gone since then. I am stronger, more transparent and well because of the no’s I’ve taken on.

Nobody wants to get rejected, and honestly, nobody even wants to talk about it. I let my circle know that it didn’t work out how I intended, but by using my network, other things, better things have transpired since then. BETTER. FULLER.

I can see that the job I deemed ideal had red flags that wouldn’t have served either one of us. I can see that I have a heart to serve, but it has to be healthy and logical.

I felt very compelled to share this because there’s so much societal pressure to preform, to achieve, and to have all the yeses.

That’s not reality though, especially when you are designing a life you truly love, one that inspires you.

I am here to say that I’m not settling, I’m not discouraged, and I’m not becoming small out of fear and you shouldn’t either.

Rejection is part of the process— so feel the emotion, harness it, and become stronger from it.

Stay Tuned, I will be sharing more of my views on rejection and my mindset on David Essel’s radio show live on March 26th at 5pm.

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How I Grew When Life’s Game Plan Changed

A chapter in my life closed, abruptly, before I really knew how to process my reality and the emotions that would follow a faint goodbye. A month has passed since I moved back to Florida after believing I’d be gone for nearly 2 years.

Plans changed. My roadmap of what my life was SUPPOSE to look like shifted. Being able to write and share that it’ll all work out has given me peace within this chaos of grieving and starting over.

When I chose to go into Peace Corps almost a year ago now, I thought I had found my calling and I knew exactly what I was suppose to do; I was going to be of service to others. I had a glow in me for months before I left, a glow that is hard to describe to this day. Then, one day, I woke up and that spark in me was gone. It faded slowly over time until I didn’t recognize myself, my habits, or my new day to day behaviors. I was going against my intuition at so many turns, and my heart and mind weren’t on the same page. My heart wanted to stay, to serve, to love, to give, to be, but my rational fears were greater. So I broke my own heart, in order to follow what I knew to be right for me. I see now, no one was benefiting from that. 

Sometimes, it’s hard for me to talk about my Peace Corps experience in its entirety because although I left, it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder. I wonder about the people, the work I did, my school, and my kids. I wonder if anything I did stuck or mattered. I wonder if I was of service. I wonder if things could have been different had I spoken up sooner. I’m human and I wonder, a lot. I spend nights awake, hoping that I’m moving in the right direction, hoping that I am taking care of myself.

But as my mind runs wild, I try to calm it.

Knowing that the ‘what if’ game is torture to every inch of me.

What have I learned from starting over again?

I’ve learned, I need to trust my intuition and protect my well-being.

I can be strong by being vulnerable, asking for help, and accepting that sometimes I need a hand to hold onto.

I don’t need to justify my reasons or prove myself to anyone. I know my truths. 

My self-worth is not equated with my accomplishments, titles, or roles. I’m enough, worthy, and loved for just being me. I am enough and I’m free of the burdens to be something I’m not.

This is not a failure for me, this was part of the plan. I did something I had always wanted to do and I did my very best, but there were factors out of my own control, ones I couldn’t live with. So instead of having to justify anything or belittling my time away, I’ve learned to love my experience for all that it was. I even love the parts that left me a little bruised and fragile because it’s allowed me to rebuild stronger, fuller and better than before.

I don’t know what’s next or what tomorrow holds, but I do know that I am stronger now because I am choosing to just be. I do know that it’s dark before the dawn, and this life really is sweet, even when it’s heavy.

Maddie Ruth’s “If It Seems Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is”

This is the start of something really special; Maddie’s story is the first one I get to share on my blog for Empowering Women and I can’t thank her enough for being real, vulnerable, and open with you all to share her experience, insight, and advice. To read more posts from Maddie, her blog is https://withlovexom.blogspot.com!!!

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It has been eight months since I made the best decision of my life.

I wanted to be in love with myself. With who I had in my life at the time, there was no way that would ever happen. I had to delete the negative to be able to receive that positive I was searching for.

So there I was, I was in love.

Love is great.
Love is strange.
Love is also blinding and my first love blinded me.

He turned me into someone that I never want to know again. I am going to share with you my story about how the man of my dreams made me realize that just because it is a ‘dream come true’ does not mean it suppose to be a forever type of love.

Why am I sharing this?

I never want someone to feel the type of pain I felt.

You know when you like someone and you want them in your life, you start to look past all the red flags. You just shrug them off and think ‘he really loves me so it’s okay.’ and begin to justify their actions.Well, it is actually not okay.

When I was a small child, my cousin sexually abused me. He was much older than me; the memories of this caused me so much pain, anxiety, depression and fear in my life. The problem about being a fighter (I use this word instead of victim because I am not weak) after sexual abuse is that you carry that weight on your shoulders for the rest of your life. Of course, you find ways to cope, but those memories never go away. You just learn how to make them hurt less with time. Which is a bunch of shit, if you ask me.

Now fast forward to where I was about a year and a half ago.

After finally coming out about my childhood nightmare, all I ever wanted was to feel loved. I’m not talking about the kind of love you have with your family because I had that— I love my parents more than anything. I wanted the love where you feel craved and desired. I wanted a love that would make me feel good about myself.

Then, there he was— blonde hair and blue eyed, standing there looking so good I wanted to eat him. It didn’t take long because a week later, we were dating.

That should have been the first red flag.

Who dates after only knowing each other for a week? I am sure people do, but I knew nothing about him. He came off timid and sweet and I was head over heels. I will tell you I had the best first eight months of my life with this kid. He was a dream.

A dream. That is all he ever was. We were long distance so I only saw the part of him that he wanted me to see. I will never forget the day he said to me “What if I change and you no longer like who I am.” Months later he did change, and not in a good way; I guess he was trying to warn me.

This relationship wasn’t all that bad. I learned a lot, I learned enough that I am going to share with you what I learned to help you. (You can thank me later).

He puts down his mother?

It doesn’t matter the circumstance…RUN. If he doesn’t respect the woman who gave him life then he will never respect you.

“All women just want the money”

If he says that and he breaks your heart just remember I warned you.

He tells you, “You’re so stupid”

First of all, throw the heaviest object at him that you can find at the moment and then end things immediately.

“You’re so clingy”

If you just want to cuddle tell him goodbye, if you want his location, boss’s phone number, social security number, and a phone call every hour you for sure need to chill.

“We can only talk on this day, and at this time”

LOL…True story I was blinded enough to deal with this. If this happens to you I want to remind you that no matter what he looks like undressed this type of personality should immediate turn you off.

He tries to change you

I have never understood that when people try to change the person that they are dating. I mean your personality from the start is what drew them to you, why suddenly is that no longer doable for them? If your S/O tries this, laugh and tell him to screw off.

Complains about money

I’m sorry?

Compares you to an ex

HA HA HA HA HA HA girl you can do better than him anyways

Doesn’t support you

This was my major problem in my last relationship. Support is everything if you are killing it and he is unable to recognize that I am making this clear to you that you can find better. There is someone out there looking to give you the recognition and support you deserve for all of the bomb s*** you do.

Remember your happiness comes first
I was always so afraid to upset my ex. I would get so worked up over nothing and that was not fair. Your health and happiness should always come first because happiness comes from with in. You can’t rely on someone else for your happiness.

He may try to hit you with the ‘let’s be friends’ line and honestly if you two couldn’t connect in an intimate relationship, a friendship might be hard to create after a break up.

Overall, what I want you to get out of reading this is that you have the power to be a self-motivated, independent, happy woman. I can’t tell you what to be, where to be or who to be, but I can tell you that if your man does most of these 10 things you can do better. I don’t believe men do it unintentionally sometimes it just happens out of anyone’s control. How you can control it is stick up for yourself.

If you see something you don’t like say something don’t be passive.
GIRLS ARE SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.
I know I am and I am working to be more honest, straightforward and confident. Never let a man dull your shine girl, we all have had that one major heart break and I am telling you that you will survive.

Be you, know your worth and the right person will come along. You don’t need to put up with a guy just because you feel as though you can’t live without him.

With lots of love,
M